I always knew something was wrong. I had panic attacks as a kid and teenager. I had back tension. I had IBS. I was in a constant state of anxiety. I had little motivation to study or pursue hobbies and all I wanted to do was sleep. My periods were never normal and I’d sometimes go months without one or have two in one month. I finally convinced my mom to take me to the doctor when I was sixteen. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and was put on antidepressants. But here’s the thing, I didn’t FEEL depressed. I felt anxious, tired, and unmotivated. I took the antidepressants for a year and then stopped because I was tired of feeling fake happy. They didn’t help me achieve what I thought they might.

I vividly remember my mom asking me if I was on drugs when I was around fifteen because all I wanted to do was sleep. I isolated myself in my room for hours and would sometimes go to bed right after school at 3:30 pm and sleep until it was time to take a shower and go to bed. I’d also sleep all night. (Also, I’m almost thirty-one and still have not smoked a thing in my life). It didn’t make me mad as much as it made me sad when she asked if I was on drugs because I felt like every time I mentioned I had panic attacks and felt tired, I got a response along the lines of, “You don’t have anything to be anxious about!” I was extremely aware of that fact and that’s what was making me freak out even more.

Not to mention the nice mustache I started growing at age twelve.

At age fourteen, I told my eye doctor that I sometimes had double vision and he said it’s because my eyes were dry and gave me eye drops. The panic attacks caused double vision and the double vision caused panic attacks. It was a never-ending cycle.

I went to a different doctor at age twenty and he, too, tried prescribing me antidepressants. He even tried persuading me to take them by getting me to tell myself that it was my daily vitamin. He also told me I have a slight heart murmur but it was nothing to worry about. I refused the antidepressants and left.

So here I was. Feeling worse than ever. Then I suddenly start to lose weight and was afraid to eat because of abdominal pain. It seemed like every time I ate, I got heartburn and indigestion. I’d finally had enough when I made an appointment to get a barium x-ray and discovered that I have a hiatal hernia.

I finally got some answers and started to feel better.

Soon after that, I began babysitting for one of my cousins that is a nurse. I was sitting on the couch looking through one of the medical magazines and it mentioned something about getting your thyroid checked. I read through the article. I felt like it was describing my life and decided to have it done.

More answers. I have hypothyroidism.

A little more relief came over me.

Around this same time (I was about twenty), I decided that I’d had enough. I was going to get to the bottom of all of it. I decided to get an ultrasound done to check for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) even though I didn’t “fit the description.”

And guess what. I have PCOS.

At this time, I wasn’t aware of what all of this meant. I had a diagnosis of a hernia, hypothyroidism, and PCOS within a year. It wasn’t until I tried getting pregnant that I learned that my conditions would make it very difficult.

So here I was. Twenty years old, weighing a hundred and thirty pounds, in great physical health, and had hyperthyroidism and PCOS. These are two diseases that were supposed to make you overweight.

But I was still having panic attacks. They didn’t let up, despite the relief I had knowing what was wrong. I went back to another doctor and he didn’t try to prescribe anything. He listened and did a physical exam and said, “Your heart murmur is causing your panic attacks.” He also diagnosed my IBS and told me to try the process of elimination with food to target what was causing it. I was twenty-three at this time.

(It was potatoes. I haven’t had any form of potato since February 2018.)

WHAT?!! That was it?!

He said, “When you have a heart palpitation, your body will automatically take a breath. That’s when you start to feel anxious. You don’t understand why you’re breathing that way. Your mind starts racing. Your heart starts racing. Then you panic.”

I felt so much relief and my panic attacks were cut down by about 90%. I knew what was happening in my body and that it wasn’t dangerous. It was minor and would be over in a few seconds.

I decided the double vision was caused by anxiety and left it at that.

None of the conditions started to bother me until I decided that I wanted a baby. It didn’t matter how much I tried, it didn’t happen. I remember going back to my new doctor and learning that having PCOS could make it very difficult to have a baby. He gave me some advice and sent me on my way. I made another appointment with my OB and they did another ultrasound to confirm that I had more cysts on my ovaries.

I cried. A lot. I just wanted a baby. I wanted a family.

I’ll never forget the day. It was about two weeks after the ultrasound appointment. I had another UTI and made a trip to urgent care. They did a urine test and told me it was clean. I had no sign of bacteria and they wanted me to take a pregnancy test. I laughed at them and told them that there’s no way I was pregnant.

Or was there?

I found out I was pregnant in an urgent care center. They sent me to my OB immediately to do a blood test. My doctor reviewed my ultrasound and told me that my endometrium lining was thick but he assumed it was because I was about to start my period because there was no sign of pregnancy. That’s how early I found out!

I cried tears of joy like you wouldn’t believe!

Let’s fast-forward six years and another kid later at age thirty.

The sleepiness continues. The daily battle to stay awake continues. The double vision continues. I’m fearing the worst at this point and decide to get a sleep study one.

Guess who has narcolepsy!

The actual diagnosis is idiopathic hypersomnia. During the over-night sleep study, there were no signs of sleep apnea, which meant that I got to stay and take four naps at random times during the day. During the naps, if you fall asleep before ten minutes, it’s considered abnormal. I fell asleep in seven minutes, four minutes two times, and just under four minutes for the fourth nap. Since I didn’t hit REM sleep during the four naps, I didn’t qualify to take a fifth nap. Also, since I didn’t hit REM sleep, I couldn’t be diagnosed with narcolepsy, although I had all the other signs such as tiredness after an emotional rush like fear, anger, and anxiety. Pretty much after an adrenaline rush. I also will fall asleep in inappropriate and relaxing situations like when I’m watching a movie or sitting on the couch after a big meal. Oh, and double vision! Almost forgot that one.

I had more answers!!!

But I still don’t have all of them. I have to get an ultrasound on my gallbladder and a colonoscopy because of horrible IBS that comes and goes randomly. There’s nothing like telling family to can’t make it because you can’t stop pooping!

Wish me luck!!