This post explores a past relationship that I was in where I felt like the other person agreed to a relationship they weren’t ready for.

Let’s start with the latest relationship. I remember the fight. I was upset because all he wanted to do was watch videos online and play video games. It was consuming an annoying amount of time and I felt like not enough attention was being given to everyone else. There’s nothing like hearing the words, “You’re getting in the way of my hobbies.” My heart sank and I suddenly had a PTSD flashback. I didn’t want to be a burden again. I replied with, “What hobbies? Watching TV and playing video games?” He said, “Yes! It’s not like I can do anything else!”

Really??

It’s not like you don’t have us. It’s not like you don’t have a significant other and her children to keep you company. Every time we went to the park, he’d get upset that the kids weren’t playing the way he wanted them to play. (They weren’t even in school yet at this point). He would get mad and separate himself from us to play on his phone. It almost felt as if he would create conflict to be able to sit alone and do what he wanted. At this point, I believe it to be true.

This seemed to happen more and more. There would be conflict and instead of resolving it, he would get me mad to the point that I just wanted him to leave me alone. What did this leave time for? Doing what HE wanted.

He told me once that it would be nice if I’d take interest in his hobbies. So I did. I tried to be interested in his hobbies. I tried golfing, playing games, watching movies he picked out, and talking to him about the things he loved. But I never got it in return. I paint, make jewelry, play music, do a little photography, write and build things. He took a few photos with me a couple times but it was never something we did together. He refused to take photos with me and didn’t care to be involved in anything I enjoyed. Every time I was outside building something, he only went out when I’d ask for help. Even then, he’d give a huge sign and say, “Give me a second. I’m in the middle of something.”

That never felt good. It sucks to be with someone that has agreed to A, B, and C in the relationship but doesn’t follow through.

I felt as if there wasn’t time for me. My kids and I weren’t worth the time. I feel as if he liked the idea of a family but didn’t want to put in any effort. I was carrying the weight of that burden and it was becoming very heavy.

I have back and neck problems. I’m in pain daily and he knew this. There were several times I’d ask for a back rub or I’d have a muscle spasm that needed to be worked out. I constantly had to ask and I always felt like I was bothering him with it. It’s not like he didn’t get anything in return. There were several times when I’d ask if he wanted a back rub or foot rub and he didn’t want it. To me, if you know your partner is in almost constant pain because of things that are out of their control, you should do the things that you know makes them feel better, whether that be massages or a heat compress or just making dinner so they can rest.

He finally got fed up and told me he was getting tired of doing it. I told him I always do nice things for him without him asking but I don’t get it in return. His response to that was, “I don’t ask you to do those things!” It’s almost as if he was telling me that I shouldn’t expect nice things from him because he doesn’t expect them from me.

I yelled, “YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO! I DO THEM BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!”
He never got the hint.

It was similar when it came to my kids. I felt like I was living in a house with someone that agreed to raise my family with me, but I was still doing all the work. He told me he wanted us here. He wanted to be part of our lives but I was the one getting up every morning, cooking breakfast, getting my son ready for school, taking him to school, and getting him from school. I understand they are my kids. But how can you live with your significant other and their children and not be active in their lives? I often felt like I was living with a roommate. Once I brought this up and tried discussing why it bothered me, he said, “Well they’re YOUR kids!”

As if I didn’t already know. Trust me, I know they’re my kids. You’ve reminded me enough times. Just how you’ve reminded me that this is YOUR house.

I guess I was in denial when he broke up with me. It was a couple days later I sat beside him and took his phone from his hand, locked it, and handed it back to him. He asked what I was doing and I told him I just wanted to sit with him. I laid in his lap looking at the ceiling and we talked for a few minutes. I looked up and he was scrolling on his phone. I was beyond hurt. Why couldn’t he just be with me for a few minutes with no distractions? Was spending time with me that horrible? I asked why he was on his phone and he said, “I was still talking to you?” When I explained I wanted his undivided attention, he rolled his eyes. That’s when I knew it would never work. He couldn’t spend five minutes with me and only me.

So here we are. It’s over and I can’t help but to feel a little relief. I’ll be a family with my children. I want to be there for them. I want them to see the best version of their mother. I want to take care of them the way they deserve to be taken care of. We’re tired of the negativity and I’m tired of feeling that my children aren’t good enough to be in someone’s life. I’m over it. Sorry I got in the way of your life.