Last year, I decided to let the person that hurt me for two years straight hurt me for the last time. I left with the mindset that, if he wanted to, he would. What I mean by that is, that, if he wanted to love me, respect me, and treat me as if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he would. If he wanted to prove to me he loved me, he would. Instead he continuously lied, triggered my anxiety, and played psychological games with me. I stepped back and decided that, if I couldn’t find someone that wanted the same thing that I did, I wouldn’t waste my time.

Not long after that, I met someone. It was unexpected and strange. I went into the new relationship thinking, “If he wanted to, he would.” I was anxious. Completely terrified! He seemed to be everything I’d been looking for. But that doesn’t usually mean much. People say a lot and never back it up. You can “click” with almost anyone if you know the right things to say.

To my surprise, he constantly proved himself. If something made me anxious, we had a conversation about it and took steps to change it. If I was upset, we had a conversation about it and I explained why I was upset. One week after meeting, we had a conversation about what we wanted relationship wise. We both agreed that we only wanted to pursue each other. He didn’t have anyone else and neither did I.

Two weeks after meeting, I doze off cuddling him one night and suddenly wake up. He’s still awake and I look up and give him a kiss. It’s silent for a moment and he softly and anxiously says, “I don’t care. I don’t care. I love you.” I don’t look at him. I stay still and my heart starts racing. I suddenly get terrified. My mind starts racing. What if he only said it to manipulate me? What if he only THINKS he loves me? Then I think of how he had been proving himself to me, even though it had only been two weeks. Once I calmed down, I realized that it didn’t feel fake. In fact, it had been the most real anything had ever felt. I hesitated and whispered, “I love you, too.”

It’s still the best relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve found my best friend and I know that I can go to him with anything.

Sometimes, you have to let the toxic people go. Step back and think to yourself, “If he/she wanted to, he/she would.” Give the person room to choose what they want to do, and you’ll see what they’d rather do. Don’t try to get someone to spent time with you. Don’t insist on someone treating you with respect. Don’t expect someone to change when they don’t see anything wrong with their actions. Don’t try to convince someone to love you. Love yourself. Respect yourself enough to know you deserve better in life. You deserve peace.

Daily writing prompt

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

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